Little Flecks of Light

KAPOW. I'm totally winning.

2009-12-09T03:31:11Z

Current snowfall:
4"
+ Freezing Rain

Total this season:
8.7"

Maybe I can beat Vermont! WHOOOP!
Now to go make a snow icon :D

Hahaha!! I'm winning!

2009-12-06T00:33:17Z

Current snow total:

4.7 inches
Lets see if Vermont can bet that over night.
Sad that it was on a Saturday and not a school day. Oh well.

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I still feel high, not in a drug sense, and weightless since my past post. I really thing this is a changing in me. Turning over a new leaf as my friend put it. I feel like I'm falling through clouds without a destination below. Just the in between bliss of the free-fall. I can start thinking about myself now instead of all the anxieties I had since the attack. I feel free, like I broke from the chains binding my wings and can fly once more. The video at the end of this post is a little religious but it fits how I felt the past few months to a key. I haven't turned into a Jesus freak but I found a new found understanding about religion after that attack. Now that I can see clearly without self doubt, I can see it more than I did. Taking small steps towards faith though. I'm still filled with a lot of doubt, not as much as before.

I used to despise God a little before because people would always tell me that because of my life choices that I'd be going to hell and whatnot. I realized that their views have no impact on me now. If God is this all forgiving being and made everything in his image, then he made me the way I am for a reason. I don't believe much in a "devil" and corruption from sin really. If he didn't want us to do something, he wouldn't make it feel good. When I was talking about this to one of my furiends yesterday who's Catholic he mentioned corruption of the devil and stuff when I was talking about my every present unsurities pertaining to my transsexual urges. I don't think God made a mistake with my gender. I'm still unsure at which one I want to be, but he made me like this for a reason. It's up to me to figure out why and put the pieces together. I didn't choose to be like this. At least I'm comfortable with myself right now and not in a self-hating phase of sorts. Over time I've learned more about myself and that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's only how I feel about myself that matters. I'm the one in control of my life, not them.

EDIT: Have you ever felt weightless? I'm a little unsure at what my next step is, but I'm willing to take the chance when it comes. I haven't been this blissfully calm in a long time. It feels delicious and just right like the calm that runs through me when I listen to the snow fall on the holly trees at home. I can't wait until school's over so I can hear it again.

Today is a good day

2009-12-01T19:15:16Z

I went to bed at 3:30 due to finishing my sculpture project which I found out a few minutes ago that it's actually due 2 weeks from now. Oops.

I woke up today at 10:30. Then went back to sleep for 5 more minutes until I decided I needed to get up and go to the bathroom. The UTI I contracted two weeks ago is long gone. Side effects of the antibiotics are gone and I feel great.

I feel more like my old self again. Maybe declaring to myself that I won't let something as stupid as illegal drugs make me loose control of myself made me defeat that monster on my shoulder. It was fun over the summer I will admit but once I had that debilitating panic attack for an hour and a half I've been seeing the world in a different light. After that small moment in my life which seemed like days at the time, I was nervous and anxious a lot. Little things that didn't bother me started freaking me out. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Was I loosing grip on reality without even being under the influence? From what I can deduce all this post drug anxiety and depression could have been some kind of withdrawal syndrome as well.

School usually doesn't make me feel trapped. I love school. Art classes! At the beginning of the semester I didn't think I could make it then. I went home one weekend just to escape from school. I put off homework that weekend to go to the zoo with my mother. The post drug anxiety also made me very anxious about myself. My self esteem wasn't stellar. My relationship suffered from it during the semester as well. My girlfriend knows I'm exactly the most stable person emotion-wise but this semester was worse than normal. I was literally pushing her away with my words. In the right frame of mind I would never do this. I thought I didn't deserve her and at one point my depression was lingering to morbid thoughts. I would never act on these thoughts though. When ever I feel down and literally the dirt I always tell myself that I have to keep living and become a famous artist. Maybe get my name in the credits of a Disney movie be it animating or storyboard. Or my newer dream, the story creator! I have many Disney related dreams, some silly, but they keep me going.

I hope this frame of mind stays. I don't want to go through that anxious and depressive state again. It felt like I was in a cloud. Part of it could have been stress of upcoming finals and some was from planned time to hang out with friends that like doing drugs. I felt anxious that they would pressure me a bit. Ended up that they didn't though. I couldn't eat like I usually do, which is everything I see! I felt anxious during Thanksgiving because when I'm nervous my stupid throwing up phobia is worse for some reason. I couldn't enjoy it to it's extent. I hope my stress threshold keeps getting better. I will be so sad if I have to battle this stupid anxious eating every day during Christmas. I dunno what we are having for Texas Christmas, but I do know that Baltimore Christmas is lobster! I want to eat that whole thing and then some! I know my grandmother will ask for help. I know who I'm sitting next to that day!

I want to thank all the people who kept saying positive things to me all semester. There are too many to list. Teachers, other students and friends as well as my parents and siblings. Though who I really have to thank is my girlfriend. Without her I don't know if I'd have the strength to push away drugs all together and most alcohol. With my addictive and competitive personality I've glad I decided this before I got head over feet into something bad. I hope I can keep up to this promise.

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Other news.

Convinced my Mom to buy me a tablet for Birthday/Christmas/Graphic Design class practice next semester. It as touch and pen input. It's super fun so far. I've been using openCanvas to draw with my mate.

I saw Planet 51. Hollywood gave it one star :/ I really enjoyed the movie. I want to draw fanart haha.

My Treasure Planet obsession has come back haha. I found the song "I'm Still Here" in 20 different languages. I wonder how many it was translated into...

EURIKA

2009-11-24T17:44:47Z

OMG

Just realized. Thanskgiving = Macy's Day Parade = Annual Purina Dog Show after!!!
DOG SHOW
DOG SHOW
DOG SHOW
!!!!!!!!!!

Princess and the Frog

2009-11-13T04:00:25Z

I should be studying.... OH WELL!

I learned about this movie last year when Floyd Norman when some furs asked for some insider info at up coming movies. He mentioned three, but I only remember The Princess and the Frog and Rapunzel. The third might have been Toy Story III but I forget now. I saw an early teaser preview of the movie in the summer that didn't tell you about anything plot-wise and I was super intrigued at what Disney's take was going to be. I haven't been to too many movies recently so I haven't seen the new trailer until recently out of laziness. I'm kinda sad that Harry Connick, Jr. didn't make a vocal appearance but that's understandable since this is supposed to be a more diverse movie with it being more African American and blah blah. More power to Disney. I'm excited that there's finally more diverse animation movies. So excited! I don't understand people's negative comments about the movie! Don't they want diversity?

I have a great idea for a Disney movie but I'm not sharing it with anyone haha. I wonder how you get to pitch movie ideas to Disney... Maybe make a best seller story first about it? I need to write down my themepark ideas too incase I work for Disney again and I somehow get into the more art-y aspect. I'd die if I could even just pitch an idea to the head honchos. I might passout in excitement! Also, no matter how much you ask I'm not going to post my themepark and story ideas anywhere on the internet. I'm going to have to strongly resist posting ride sketches myself! But yea, idea stealing and stuff...

Here's the trailer for anyone who's interested.

Oh Geeze, I made more

2009-11-02T03:06:49Z

Help me, I made more haha. Sorry about quality again. Still trying to figure out filesize limits and keeping quality.

[29] Osmosis Jones - (7 animated)

Preview:

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29

Kapow! I give you Hazel-suit

2009-10-30T02:25:36Z

Fursuit done!

Here's some pictures.
I forgot to buy eye make up so no black eyes like the mask is made for.

And here's 2 icons I made haha

Its that time of the year again...

2009-10-26T17:17:09Z

Its that wonderful time of the year again! The time when my Mom sends me Halloween socks! *skips around in them*

Cause my Fandomism couldn't get worse....

2009-10-21T04:36:06Z

I bring you some icons!!
Let me know if any of the animated ones are actually too big for LJ. I've only reciently figured out how to make them the right file size. Sorry if some are grainy as well. Be gentle! I'm a noob at this haha.

[27]Osmosis Jones (7 animated)

Preview:

Osmosis Jones

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25                              26                       27

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-17T22:06:36Z

I saw the movie last night. It was good but I wouldn't recommend it to younger kids who enjoy the book. It's rather scary I think. Even I thought it was scary. I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't let my analytical mind start running. I might go see it again and tell myself to not think about it anymore. There was alot of underlying meaning put into it! I think that makes it really interesting but a bit confusing to children watching it. When I was waiting for it to start, I heard a kid and his mother talk to another mother about how he reads the book over and over again. I turned around and said "Well yea! Its one of the best books created!" Then I started talking to his mother about this big art book my Mom got me like 6-7 years ago all about the book and the author. She was really jealous haha.

The "Wild Things" were very well portrayed though! That's what made them scary. My favorite was the unnamed character "The Bull." The name he has in the book is Bernard though. I want a Max costume as a hoodie! :D Though maybe of one of Bernard would be awesome. I'll look into a character hoodie after my birthday and christmas etc. Maybe I'll hit up Hannah's Pajamas.

Might have to make a Where The Wild Things Are mood set some time haha.

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Fursuit News: I've cut out the fur and I'm currently waiting it to airdry before gluing on. I can't wait to finish the head!! I can't do the body suit STILL because my friend blew me off again. I think I'm gunna return my fur clipper. I used scizzors to trim the ear fur so far and I have alot more control with them. I'll hand trim the head and see how it turns out. If I need the clippers, I'll keep them for the long run, but if I don't need them I'll return them.

I've been in Frostyland and I dont have a snow icon? LOL

2009-10-14T18:34:24Z

HOLY FURPILES! Spontanious snow!

I was SO CLOSE to beating my sister in Vermont! She had snow yesterday! ONE DAY! WAS SO CLOOOOSE. Thought this is "real" snow compaired to my sisters grab bag she had yesterday. Doesn't look like its sticking though. Ground's not frozen yet lol. If any sticks, I shall get my ruler out and start the grand snow total count!

Finishing my fursuit footpaws today! I can start furring the head today as well once I tape it up and start getting the fabric ready to be washed. Can't do the bosy suit until my friend wraps me in ducktape. I hope the show doesn't hinder her coming over today haha.

Here's the feet before furring:

They're made on socks. I dunno if I should have added the claws after furring but whatever lol. They're small because the overall suit is small to keep the Use-Your-Own-Eyes realism.

Here's a WIP of the head so far. It has a nose now! And teeth! :D

The mouth is being held open in this picture so you can see the teeth. The head also has some upper fangs but you can't see them from this angle. The ears are SOOO cute so far! I can't wait for this to be finished! The eye holes might be too big but oh well. Better big than too small. The nose and teeth are made of Model Magic. The nose was covered in black fleece. It came out alot better than I thought! So smooth and seamless. I'm glad I didn't try to make it out of tooldip! That would have been a disastor!

Zippide do da Yay and a Nay

2009-10-14T01:47:40Z

So I got a 95 on a history test today! It was on WWI and in a level 100 class but oh well! I was really worried when my teacher said teh tests were REALLY REALLY bad. Stupid freshmen this year I tell you. I think I got the best grade in class! That's a first.

On to the nay. I got back my results from this free health screening and apparently I have "borderline high cholesterol" at 205 :/ YEEEEH Zippide do da. Of all people to have it, it would be the skinny rail me who eats pretty decently healthy! Looks like I have to watch what I eat more closely Phooooeeeey. Mom says I shouldn't be super worried over it. No need to have a panic attack.

Ceramics and dogs

2009-10-12T21:39:22Z

So I spent the past 4 hours finishing a giant borzoi figure. It's decient sized around a foot long. It was for my "coil pot" project where I had to use coils to make something. I modeled the base, hopefully I don't get yelled at for that, and used this machine that is basically... a GIANT playdoh fun factory for adults and made all that hair. Spent 7 hours of the 9 adding the hair alone. Had to add the hair piece by piece. I did the hairs in pairs by folding a coil in half and then adding it. Took FOR EH VERRRRR

Crappy camera picture GO. I forgot to clean off my phone. It got covered in dryed clay because I kept answering texts while working.

Now it's drying and I put some colored slip on it. Never used that before so lets see what happens when it comes out of the bisque kiln! Haha. Hopefully it doesn't do anything completely outrageous.

The thing between his legs is a support thing. If I dont do that then when it goes into the high fire kiln, it'll melt and deform his legs all crazy. This helps that from not happening. Hypothetically he won't stick to it because I have a piece of paper in between them. As long as glaze doesnt get in there I think he's fine. My teacher thinks he'll survive :D

I think I'm going to call him Ghoast. The un-slipped parts are going to come out a stoney grey so I thought it would be fitting.

That reminds me. I have to bring my tumbling armadillos to my room some time so I can paint them.

I'll post some drawing stuff tomorrow after class :3 I hope my drapery thing looks better as I work on it. DRAPERY DRAWING HAAEEET

Good bye Cold!

2009-10-11T22:14:43Z

I thought I was contracting a doozie of a cold flu but after waking up today, I feel alot better. Still a bit heavy food shy though. Don't want to jinx it. I defiantly think I know who the culpret was to get me sick and delay my awesome fursuitmaking! There was this girl coughing up a wet storm in the library on Thrusday night when I was in it. I bet I inhaled her nasty germs after staying in a 15 foot proximity from her for a few hours as the internet proceeded to brainwash me. I hope BestBuy hurries up soon. I'm so internet dependent haha.
Gigabytes run through my veins.

Spent half of today watching Bizarre Foods on the TravelNetwork. A lot of the stuff on there I'd probably try. I never had liver before but there was this place in North Carolina that had these interesting looking sandwiches made of stuff called "Liver Mush." It looked pretty good to me. Also been cheating on CartoonNetwork and was watching Man VS Food on the TravelNetwork as well. They have some great food places on that show. There's this sandwich in Springfield, Illinois called the Horseshoe that looks amazing.
Here's a Wikisnip about it:

"This open-faced sandwich begins with thick-sliced toasted bread, and most often hamburger patties or ham. Other meats used commonly are deep fried pork tenderloin, grilled or fried chicken breast, and fried fish filets. There is also a "breakfast" horseshoe that uses eggs and hash browns. The meat is topped with french fries and smothered with a "secret" cheese sauce."

Doesn't that just look AMAZING??

------

Pertaining to fursuit building, I think this one is going to be pretty awesome for my second only built fursuit. I want to make a fancy and detailed werewolf suit eventually but I know my skillz aren't up to par yet. Still figuring out how to master the eyes on that idea too. I also want to make a snow leopard with fancy heart spots which will be equally as hard to accomplish.

I was trying to find some emotional Porco Rosso icons but nothing I found was good enough. Guess I might have to make my own when my computer comes back. Oh goodies. I can't wait to my birthday so I can watch the movie over and over again. I have such a fascination with small aircrafts but thought it would be a foolish dream to go after. That and I don't like heights that much but I could probably get over that. Maybe one day for fun I'll go get trained to fly small aircrafts and fly around in a little jet when I become rich and famous or win the lottery. That would be fun.

EDIT: Whoah there IExplorer without spellcheck like FireFox. Had some major porblems in there haha. Also edited with an added image KAPOW

Cool, Daddy Cool

2009-10-09T17:58:53Z

Haha. The soundtrack came today. Nothing like a 3$ cd.
I'm going to go play with clay and see if I can finish my Borzoi more before I invite my awesome furiend to wrap me in ducttape.

I wonder if this poster is as big as my GIANT one of Foster's Home for Imaginary friends haha. I need another giant poster tube anyway.

So...

2009-10-08T23:06:01Z

Yea... I forgot how AWESOME this movie is!
I didn't just buy the soundtrack, magnets and a DVD copy of it off of ebay.... LALALALA
And I totally didnt just make an offer on a sweet giant poster either.

Why are there no good LJ icons of Osmosis Jones?! Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong place.

I can't wait until the soundtrack comes! I was going to be bad and download it but I couldn't find any good sites that had them and that weren't torrents. Be happy twinsister! I'm doing the right thing! :D

Computer STILL in the shop

2009-10-07T16:15:10Z

GRUMBLEFAAACE

Computer came back and didn't connect to the internet this time. WTF BestBuy. They better fix it and if they do replace it, it better be with a NICE AWESOME computer and if it has Vista I might kill them.

In other news, I'm working on a fursuit of Hazel :D
It's been alittle rough at the begining though... I'm deciding to not do a use-your-own-eyes because its been really time consuming and not turing out any real progress. So I'm going to work on ANOTHER head that's alittle cartoony. I'll make a realistic Hazel later.

LOL Forgot to tell ya'll

2009-09-14T18:30:33Z

I'm kinda a ghost right now because my computer is in the shop AGAIN :/

Stupid Frostfuck

2009-08-28T22:17:44Z

>>>>:C

UUUUGG
Stupid Frostburg Network Setup thing! My school has this system where you have to install McAfee and SpyBot for virus stuff and it won't let you connect until you do that and stuff. So when you try to go anywhere it reroutes you to the setup page. Well the stupid website has a program where it scans your comp to make sure you installed the programs and updated them blah blah and when it's done it opens a internet window to say if you pass or not. I was using Internet Explorer because I didn't want to open all my saved Firefox tabs cause it would freeze for a bit while loading them all.
So the dumb program decides to open Firefox instead of using my already open Internet Explorer to display a message saying I need to update SpyBot or whatever. BUT NO! It had to open AAALL my saved firefox tabs and make them all redirect to the dumb setup page! But that's not all! Because it autodirected itself as it was loading, I can't just simply hit backspace on all the tabs to recover the links. NOPE lost ALL the pages I had open! GREAT. Now I have to remember what all of them were. GREAAAT.

THEN I also found out my meal plan doesn't activate until Sunday and all the freshmen get free meals with a "conference card" or something. I had to pay 10$ for dinner. LAME. Can't wait for tomorrow's meal cost. I don't want to eat all the food that my Mom JUST bought me for school before school even starts!

Writer's Block: I May Be Crazy

2009-08-07T02:09:53Z

What does this Rorschach blot look like to you?

View 559 Answers

I dunno about all you people who are saying "hip."

Does no one see the really scary coyote with goat horns and the super scary "I'm gunna eat you" glare?? Cause I do! D:> It's scary!! :C

Sunday with George!

2009-08-04T22:38:24Z

Finished a mood set for once, haha.
I still want to find more images so every emotion has a picture. At least I have all the basics down!

If anyone knows of any high quality videos of Sunday on Youtube, link me!! Or any pictures that I haven't used so far.

Here's the link to the set:
http://www.livejournal.com/moodlist.bml?moodtheme=637089&ownerid=11386057

From my dream

2009-08-02T10:23:49Z

Take out is like an egg. Mexican food is the shell and you take it right off because it's never that good. Indian is the white part and Chinese is the yolk because you don't have to eat the yolk if you don't want to and you'll always have the good part, the white Indian :D

lol. The only thing I remember from my dream this morning. Other than I wasn't wearing any pants or underwear as well in a chinese takeout place.

Room Cleaning

2009-07-22T17:09:55Z

So cleaning my room is kinda fun! Found some cloths I lost lol. Had no idea where they went!

2 more weeks of camp madness and it'll be over!
Might be watching my boss's house again this year. Fun times! :D

Now back to cleaning stuff!

Masquerade? Next Anthrocon?

2009-07-17T02:10:14Z

Who wants to see me do a dance thing at next years Anthrocon for the Masquerade?

Demeter needs an Idea

2009-07-13T02:59:58Z

So I got a grey fox plush puppet at Anthrocon and I want to make a video of him.... Any ideas of what I should do? I'm not good at comedy yet... so it would be a song or something :P

I'll go through my songs and find something funny. Maybe a SonicBlu song?